More photos.

Henry Miles

Henry Miles Polinder arrived on December 27th at 10:45 am (Thailand time) weighing 8 lbs. 10 oz
& 20.5 inches long. More details to come...

38 weeks!

My mom arrived last week and we have been trying out best to walk this baby out...so far unsuccessfully. I never thought he would take this long to come after getting off bed rest. Today I walked up and down 18 flights of stairs twice to try and stir things up, and mom and I have been walking around the city. We've been having a good time together, but I'm hoping she can at least briefly meet him before heading home for Christmas. Either way, it was still really nice having her here and spending time together.

I've been getting lots of strange looking stares and comments now that I'm out and about waddling around. The baby is pretty big according to the doctor, so I'm hoping he comes before he gets too much bigger!

Grandpa Henry

My grandpa Henry passed away on Friday. As much as I want to be there for the funeral, it's just not possible at this stage in the pregnancy. Thankfully I was able to skype with him in the last week, and at least tell him I love him.

I can't imagine going to my grandparent's house and only having my sweet grandma Polly there. Even though he had around 20 grandkids (40 counting in-laws), he always made each of us feel special and loved. Grandpa always referred to me as "Lin-eh" and would kiss me on the cheek with his scruffy skin.

Ever since I can remember at family reunions grandpa would always at some point make a speech about how he didn't think he would be there for the next reunion because he thinks this year he is going to "join the Lord in Glory." And every year I would smile to myself thinking, "yeah right grandpa, you've been saying that for years."

I feel mixed on grandpa's death. On one hand I'm excited for him to finally be in a place he has been anxiously anticipating for so long, and on the other I'm just so sad for my sweet grandma who will now be transitioning to life without him after 66 years together. 

no more bedrest :>)

We are breathing sighs of relief and gratefulness over here after making it so far in the pregnancy.  I had my 36 week appointment this past Tuesday, gave myself a final IM injection of progesterone, and was released from bed rest!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The pregnant waddling has begun, but there will be no complaining on this end. Rusty and I went out for dinner for our first time in 3.5 months and even enjoyed hour long foot massages for $7.

I've finished up my school work for this term and am trying to get some final projects for the Akha Youth Development Center finished before this little one joins us.

My grandfather Henry (mother's father) is in his final hours. He was diagnosed with lymphoma a few month ago. Wishing I could be closer right now, but thankful that he is surrounded by so much love and receiving such good care from the hospice nurses, my mom, aunts, and uncles.  I was able to skype with him a few days ago and tell him I loved him. I also asked him to give Olive a kiss from me when He sees her.

Hope you are enjoying this Christmas season. Here's the latest photo of the giant belly.

Christmas Gift Ideas the Make a Difference.

If you are looking for ideas of gifts to buy that give back to a good cause, here are a few non-profits who have some pretty beautiful stuff.


Peace Photography: A collection of hundreds of photos from more than a dozen countries and four continents, being sold to support and promote several small independent non-profit organizations around the world.  digital images, prints, notecards, books, and calendars may all be purchased online through our website.  100% of the profits are given directly to these partner organizations (The Akha Youth Development Center, where we work in Chiang Rai, is one of their partner organizations). 


Sari Bari: Sari Bari is a safe place of employment where Indian women who have been exploited in the sex trade or who are vulnerable to trafficking can experience a new life in the making. They sell beautiful quilts, bags, blankets, pillow cases made from saris. 


Noonday Collection: Providing jobs that create a pathway out of poverty for Ugandan women. 


Tukula: A cause-driven business decicated to investing in Ugandan entrepeneourship through market awareness, product-development, and saving programs. 


Ten Thousand Villages: An exceptional source for unique handmade gifts, jewelry, home decor, art and sculpture, textiles, serveware and personal accessories representing the diverse cultures of artisans in Asia, Africa, Latin America and the Middle East. One of the world's largest fair trade organizations and a founding member of the World Fair Trade Organization (WFTO),the company strives to improve the livelihood of tens of thousands of disadvantaged artisans in 38 countries.

firstborn.

Tonight I was realizing that throughout this pregnancy I've carefully protected myself from thinking about Olive too much. I think some of that had to do with all the fears inside of me of imagining the possibilities of walking through similar circumstances with this little one. Now that I'm nearing 36 weeks I've started to let myself think of her more and return to memories.

Tonight I was watching another video of some of the kids where we live and up popped Olive's video from her memorial service that I haven't watched in over nine months. I had one of those cries that feels like you can't breathe...the kind that you've pent up for a long time. I miss her so much tonight. Watching videos of her makes it all feel so real and fresh even with the time between that has passed. And I'm thankful for that too... I'm thankful not to be numb to it all, and to have photos, videos, and stories written down to help me remember her.

It's true that grief comes and goes like waves through different seasons. Sometimes those waves are gentle and other times crashing. And though grief changes and shifts it never completely goes away...which is okay. Maybe it just means that the person we loved meant too much to us to ever completely let them go.

Sweet little Olive Hope. Her little life taught me how much capacity I have to love someone...and knowing her makes me even more ready to meet his little one growing inside me.

Good reminders for this Advent season.

fire alarms and beetles.

The excitement started last week when we had some of Olive's nurses over for dinner. We were all just beginning to enjoy dinner together when I started to smell something burning. As you may already be aware, pregnant women have an exceptional sense of smell compared to the average human. Nobody else seemed to smell it but me, but about 2 minutes later the fire alarm started blaring in our apartment building.

There are 24 stories in our building and we are the 18th. Rusty's first response was, "Lynette, you can't come! Stay here and I'll go check it out first" to which my response was, "No way! I'd rather have the baby today than burn alive!" He agreed that was sensible and we went on our way. As we walked past the 11th floor smoke was billowing out of the hallway and startled people were running in all directions. 

After reaching the bottom of the stairs we hung out with all of the other tenants for the next four hours until everything was under control. Later we heard through the grapevine that someone had been smoking on their bed and their mattress had caught on fire. 

In the end it was a really fun night meeting lots of other tenants in our building. I had some contractions for an hour after making it to the bottom, but they subsided after I was able to lie down. My legs were also sore a few days later, but this again felt nice after feeling like a human sloth for the last 2.5 months.

Moving on to our next story of excitement for the week...

Last Thursday Rusty got a strange red blotch under his eye, and two days later I developed a matching one. Over the next few days mine started to blister and leak fluid (very attractive). Then I started getting more painful blisters on my fingers, my side, and on my leg. At this point I started to freak out a bit and research what this could possibly be. 

After reading about shingles online I was convinced I had it. The symptoms I read about were...

1) Fluid filled vesicles (little blisters) only on one side of your body.

2) Not itchy, but very painful.

3) The blisters usually follow your nerve endings, so show up a band or a strip

ALL of which I had. Then I was started reading about shingles and how dangerous is was for a pregnant mothers, and how birth should be prolonged for at least  5-21 days of a breakout. 

I continued to read startling things like, "it can be fatal for a newborn baby to be born while the mother is having an outbreak because the baby can contract chicken pox at birth and their immune systems are too weak to fight off an infection this strong," and "shingles near your eyes can be very dangerous, even with risks of becoming blind" and "you must go to the doctor within three days of symptoms so that medication can be given in time to treat it"...all very reassuring facts. 

Rusty was in Chiang Rai for the weekend, and every time we talked on the phone we both were getting a little more nervous that my symptoms were continuing to worsen rather than getting better. As soon as he arrived back on Monday morning we headed over to the hospital. 

When we walked in to see the dermatologist she briefly glanced at our faces and my hands, and patiently waited for some silence to talk, while I nervously went on explaining our symptoms and my self-made diagnosis of shingles. Her first response was, "Well, good news. It's not shingles, it's bug bites." 

I went on to make sure she understood all of my symptoms such as the oozing blisters,  that it's only on one side of my body, that it in the pattern of a line...and blah blah blah. Her next response was, "it's just a beetle bite." 

She then showed us pictures on google images of this little black and red beetle that she was certain had bitten us. 

I told her that I was on bed rest and that I never get to leave my room, and wondered how it was possible that I had been bitten by this bug? She looked at me for the 14th time and said, "It's a beetle bite. No need to worry."

At this point I am quickly becoming (and rightly so) one of her most annoying patients ever--especially in a culture where people rarely question a word the doctors say. 

When we left her office I was feeling very relieved that she didn't think it was shingles and still   convinced we needed a second opinion. Rusty kept telling me to just let it go, and reminding me that she is the dermatologist, not me. 

I was still feeling cynical throughout the day until in the evening when I was lying on the bed and low and behold there was a little devil bug crawling on my bed that looked EXACTLY like the pictures she had shown me!!!!

I have never been so happy to see a little bug in all my life. It was confirmed that I did not have shingles and that I had just been attacked in my sleep by this dirty little creature. 

Pretty crazy that after living for four years in Chiang Rai, we've never been bitten by a bug like this one, and then we move to the big city and we are attacked by this sneaky little beetle. 

So folks, those are my exciting points of last week.  Who knew that fire alarms and beetles could bring me so much excitement. Although it doesn't take much to feel exciting these days.

Christmas is coming...

Source: 4.bp.blogspot.com via Danielle on Pinterest

As most of your already now, we have been living in Chiang Rai, Thailand for the last 4 years working with the Akha Youth Development Center. One of my roles there is running the child sponsorship program. The students living at our center are either orphans, come from very remote villages (without access to education),  or have other special circumstances.

Every year for Christmas we try to raise some extra money (about $10/kid) , and take each of them shopping to the local market in town and let them pick out something for themselves that they need or have really been wanting. In the past they've used their money to buy a new pair of shoes, a watch, a school bag, etc.

Though the thought of a new pair of shoes might not be very exciting for kids you know in America, for these kiddos it is a super exciting gift, especially when their toes are poking through their current pair.

Over the last few years we've had strangers, and other friends who have said, "If you ever have a special need, please let us know." So, here I am letting you know. I have made a point of not using my blog as a place to raise money for needs or projects at the foundation. However, recently have had a few e-mails from blog readers asking questions about current needs here, so I decided to share about this particular opportunity to give.

If you would like to give any amount of money to the Christmas fund for the kids this year, please e-mail me. All gifts are tax-deductible. Any money raised that goes above the need for Christmas will be used to compensate for around 10 of our other students who still don't have a sponsor.

Christmas Gift Idea

The perfect Christmas gift idea for the overwhelmed mother who needs an escape from chaos into the cyber world of facebook and pinterest. Also handy for the distracted student trying to study or write a paper in a coffee shop. : >)

Source: instructables.com via Lynette on Pinterest

Latest Newsletter

If you are interested in reading our most recent newsletter you can click here.

Loy Kratong

photo by Sangdao Sattra

I'm laying in my bed watching a few lanterns float by my window on the 18th floor, and staring at the full moon. This little one is doing acrobatic moves in inside me, and I'm reminded I have so much to be thankful for.  Fireworks repeatedly explode right outside of my window, and loud dance music is still blaring at 2 am. Tonight Thailand is celebrating Loy Kratong, one of my favorite Thai holidays. Candles are floating down the river on rafts crafted from banana leaves, and the skies glow with color. If you are outside partaking in the beauty, then you are most likely also dodging fireworks and rockets shooting in all directions. If you're interested in learning more about the meaning behind this holiday, click here. 

32 Whopping Weeks!

Well, I've made it to 32 weeks which is very exciting. This means 7 weeks of bedrest down and about five more to go. I had my doctors appointment tonight and everything with the baby looked good, and the doctor estimated him to weigh about 4 lbs. He didn't check my cervix or if I was dilated. I'm wondering if this was to keep me calm, or if this is just his standard treatment. Although I am curious to know what's going on down there, knowing wouldn't really help anything. At this point I am just to stay put in bed unless I have contractions.

 My sanity is still surprsingly in tact after lying in bed for almost two months. Between visitors, Rusty, school work, projects for the Akha Youth Development Center, writing letters, planning English lessons for The Sold Project, reading, SKYPE,  phone conversations, playing scrabble, pinterest, and episodes of LOST I am surviving.

Lots of people are also concerned about Rusty's sanity. Visitors have helped him a lot. He's been going to the gym to help release his pent up aggression from staying in a small studio with me all the time, making or buying me food for all meals, washing the dishes, sweeping the floors, doing the laundry, and keeping me sane. He has been amazing. He's hoping to get back to Chiang Rai again soon to catch up on work that he is getting behind in. However, every time he says he is leaving he gets nervous that I'll go into labor and he'll miss the birth of this baby too. Tonight the doctor gave him permission to go to Chiang Rai and said he should be able to stop my labor for at least a day (enough time for Rusty to get back here). We'll see...

My chicken legs though have further imploded. No more muscles left of the little that was there to begin with.

I will try to write and update on the flooding in the next few days. People are still saying it is coming to our area, but the water has yet to arrive.

Here is the belly at week #32

Bangkok Underwater

"Heavy monsoon rains have been drenching Southeast Asia since mid-July, causing mudslides and widespread flooding. The deluge has now reached Bangkok, with rising water and associated problems affecting most of the city's 10 million residents. Prime Minister Yingluck Shinawatra said that parts of the capital could be inundated by up to 1.5 meters of water and remain flooded for up to a month. Around Bangkok, the second-largest airport has closed, food prices are soaring, clean water is becoming scarce, and the country is declaring a holiday from Thursday until Monday to allow people to evacuate. The Chao Phraya river is predicted to overflow its banks in the city sometime today, and authorities say that if the protective dikes fail to hold the water, all parts of Bangkok will be vulnerable to the floodwater."


-Above article and photos below from The Atlantic

Latest Flood Update...

Today everyone has been nervously running around preparing for the flooding to enter our area, but as we get ready for bed tonight things are remain dry. People are saying for sure by the weekend the flood will arrive to this area. As of tomorrow all government offices are closed down, and most schools and universities.  Rusty went to the convenience store today and all the bottled water and food is sold out.

Thankfully we are on the 18th floor or our building, stocked up on water and food, and only a 1 minute walk (or swim) from the hospital. We've heard that thousands of people are evacuating Bangkok and going up to the North.

In other news, we went in for my 30 week check up tonight and my cervix continues to shorten. Now it is down to 1.8 cm (two weeks ago it was 2.4 cm).  So, I will continue following strict bed rest (no sitting or walking), and only getting up for the toilet. The ultrasound is estimating that he weighs about 3.5 lbs now, so that is encouraging.

Yesterday I had a crabby bedrest day, and I knew I needed to get some new perspective. Today after my appointment my attitude has shifted and I want to do whatever I need to do to keep this little guy in until at least 34 weeks.

A little lesson on the cervix.

I've gotten quite a few questions about what it means that my cervix is shortening, so I thought I would give a quick little explanation.

Cervical shortening is the same as efffacement (maybe a more familiar term) or put more simply, thinning. Before you start dilating, your cervix thins out (shortens, or effaces).

Normally the cervix doesn't start making these changes (effacing or shortening) until you are getting closer to your due date, but for people with cervixes like mine (incompetant cervix) they start preparing for labor before they should putting us at risk for premature delivery.

A normal/average cervical length during pregnancy is about 4cm, which is what mine measured at my 22 week appointment. At my 28 week appointment it was down to 2.4 cm.

So, in other terms a 4 cm cervix is 0% effaced. A 2 cm cervix is about 50% effaced, and 100% effacement means there is no cervix left and you are just waiting for the cervix to dilate or open up.

Hopefully I didn't confuse you more than before you started reading.

29 weeks.

The 29 week mark arrived and passed on Tuesday of this week! We had a really nice time with our Akha friends Joe and Ae from Chiang Rai. I will say that though I miss them, I don't miss eating bamboo worms every night for dinner. I have no problem with fresh bamboo worms just fried up with salt, but when they are put back in a bag in the fridge and reheated each meal something starts to turn in my stomach--though I have become a pro at hiding it on my face.

Moving on...

Next Wednesday night I go in for my 30 week appointment. So far my days with this little one continue to be uneventful, which is what we are hoping for at this point...lots of uneventful days until he gets bigger and stronger.

I have had my moments of feeling like I was going to lose it if I had to stay in this bed another day, but mostly I'm able to put things into perspective. In those moments I remind myself what the trade off would be at this point (tears and worry in a NICU), and then I become more at ease with the waiting.

I've finished up the projects I've been working at for the Akha Youth Develoment Center in Chiang Rai, and have been plugging away at my reading and writing papers for my online classes. I've been reading a few good books, learning how to knit (still horrible), playing scrabble with Rusty, SKYPing and researching everything I ever wanted to know about online.

Watched this video off my friend Constance's blog this morning and loved it. It's short and sweet and will make you smile.



Random? Yes. But what do you expect from me these days?

Apparently the floods are entering Bangkok tonight and everyone is running around stalking up on water and dried noodles and sandbagging. We'll see if things change by morning.

To extend my randomness, here are some other adorable things I have been using my time to look at on pinterest. Rusty is rolling his eyes at me, but I just can't help myself.

baby giraffe

baby hippo

baby hedgehog

28 weeks!

Just got back from my 28 week appointment, and feeling very excited to have made it to this milestone! My cervix last week was 2.5 cm and this week was 2.4 cm, so we are excited for such a small change. The baby is still doing well, and now estimated to be about 2.8 lbs.

Tonight I had my first injection of steroids for the baby's lungs. I need a total of four IM injections every 12 hours, so I will be self-injecting the final three shots in my apartment so that I don't have to go back to the hospital for each appointment.

I don't have another appointment for two more weeks, so the plan is to continue to lay low and keep this little one inside for as long as I can. My friend Blah has been taking care of me this last week and I have been spoiled by her amazing Thai and Akha cooking.

Sweet Blah

We have had a really nice week together and I'm sad to see her go tomorrow. She helped me quite a bit with getting projects done for the child sponsorship program, so that feels like a weight lifted off my shoulders.  Needless to say she hates Bangkok and city living, and is ready to get back to the fresh air of Chiang Rai, and her family. You can see by the pictures below that Chiang Rai and Bangkok are two very different places.

Home at the Akha Youth Development Center in Chiang Rai.

View from my apartment window in Bangkok.

Rusty came back today, and tomorrow two of our other wonderful Akha friends Joe and Ae will be coming to stay with us for the next five days. They are fellow staff at the foundation we work with and they care for the 55 kids that live at the Akha Youth Development Center. The kids are all on school break, so they decided to come down for a visit. 

Feeling so thankful tonight for the wonderful friends and family in my life, and for a good update on the old cervix!

Flooding in Thailand

Photos from The Toronto Sun

According to this article by BBC, the flooding in Thailand is now affecting 58 of the 77 provinces, and there is not much hope for the near future. Heavy rain continues in forecast, and the reservoirs are at full capacity  with rivers overflowing. It will be a huge hit on the rice farmers, whose fields are submerged with water. The flooding has affected more than two million people.

27 Week Appointment

Well, last night's appointment wasn't horrible, but it wasn't what we were hoping for either. My cervix is continuing to shorten, but not drastically. Last week it was 2.8cm and last night measured 2.5cm. My doctor wants to wait one more week to give me my first round of the steroid shots (next week Wednesday). This week the baby was head down, and estimated to weigh about 2.6 lbs (1.2 kg).

People have been asking me if I'm doing okay after the picture I posted. The first four days were the hardest, but I feel like it's getting better. Ironically my back and neck are less sore as time passes.  I have also gotten into a little more of a routine finding ways to still do my work from the foundation in Chiang Rai and work on my online studies. This helps with my sanity level.

Rusty has been making all my meals, cleaning, and doing the laundry. Though he has been wonderful, I think a little break for him to get out of this cooped up little apartment will really help. On Friday one of my close Akha friends from Chiang Rai named Blah will be coming down to be with me for a week, and swap places with Rusty so that he can will head up north to try and get some of his work done for the foundation.

I've had lots of visitors this last week which helps time pass too. Some good Thai friends of mine, Akha friends, and last night three of Olive's nurses from the government hospital came over for a visit.

After my appointment last night I am ready to remain in bed as long as I need to, to give this little guy the best chance that I can. Olive was born at 28.5 weeks. Normally babies born at 28 weeks tend to do fine in NICUs, but with all that went wrong with Olive, 28 weeks is no longer comforting. I'm trying to focus on the positives (at least I still have some cervix, my water hasn't broken, I'm near a great hospital, I'm not in labor...) and remain hopeful.

Some friends have asked if this is bringing up a lot of grief and emotions thinking about Olive. At this point I'm not really letting myself go there, because I think it will be too much for me to handle right now. The night of my 26 week appointment when my doctor told me that my cervix is changing and that I will most likely deliver another premature baby I panicked and couldn't hold back my tears. I went to the bathroom to try and pull myself together and kept reminding Jesus throughout the evening that I couldn't handle to lose another baby, or watch them suffer with all sorts of complications.

This verse in Matthew, "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own," feels pretty practical to me right now. I'm not going to prepare for the worst, but keep hoping for another day to pass to keep this little guy safe and sound inside of me. Whatever happens, I will deal with it when it comes...and I for one am thankful that I can't see into the future. 

day #4 of complete bed rest

My Cervix.

Went in for my 26 week appointment on Tuesday. Everything with the baby is looking good and healthy, besides the fact that he is breech. However, when my doctor did a cervical scan, he found that my cervical length is shortening. At my 22 week appointment it was 4 cm and on Tuesday it was 2.8 cm. The doctor felt like putting in a cerclage (stitching my cervix closed) was more of a risk than benefit at this point. He thought that the risk of infection and it possibly causing premature labor are too much to risk at this point. Instead he ordered for me to be on strict bed rest until I deliver. No sitting, and only getting up for the toilet.

While my doctor was giving me my bed rest rules, and some panic was starting to set it, it was hard not to get up from my chair and lay on the floor in his office with my legs above my head right then and there.

Next week I go in for another appointment and will also be getting steroid shots for the baby's lungs.

Rusty flew down to be with me the night I had my appointment and has been getting me all my meals and with me since then.

If you know me very well, you know that lying in bed all day is not very easy for someone like myself. However, after everything we went through with Olive I'm willing and ready to be a vegetable for as long as can help this little guy stay inside.

last photo before bed rest.

Grateful Tears.

This morning I woke up to an e-mail in my inbox from our friends Michael and Heather who we lived near and met in Thailand. They moved back to the States last December after some complications with insurance and an emergency back surgery for Heather for a herniated disk. Though they never met Olive, they often asked about her and sincerely cared about a season of life that we never even knew each other in.  They are currently living in Grand Rapids, MI, and when I opened my e-mail this morning and saw a photo of Olive's grave with these beautiful hydrangeas next to it the tears started pouring down my cheeks into my cereal bowl for the next 20 minutes.

It's been a while since I've cried Olive tears, so maybe that is why it felt hard to stop them from coming back on and off throughout the day.  Living so far away from her grave on a days like her birthday are hard because the first thing I want to do is go and sit with her body, clean her stone, put fresh flowers there and talk to her.

To know that two of our friends go their car and drove two hours on a wet dreary day to find her little graveyard in between the cornfields of northern Indiana meant so much.

I'm realizing that some of the tears I've cried today aren't just sad ones, but grateful tears for the friends and family I have in my life. For those who remembered her birthday this week and wrote or called me just to check in...for friends like Michael and Heather who drove to put flowers on her grave. For my Aunt Anna who also visited her grave with flowers.  For those of you who have followed her journey silently and with your prayers...

On Saturday friends and family gathered in Seattle to support "Team Colleen" (Rusty's mother) in the Brain Cancer Research Walk. In Michigan, Rusty's sister Stacia organized a walk for those in the area and the tears returned when I saw that our friends Brad, Jill, and Elizabeth were there to walk along with our cousin Sarah who drove hours to be there. As a family we have been once again overwhelmed by the love and commitment of friends and family to walk alongside us in another journey we never anticipated or wanted to take part in.

So today there were tears mixed with loss, but also gratefulness for friends and family who, even with an ocean in between us, still remind us how much they care. You too are irreplaceable, just like little Olive Hope.

Olive's 2nd Birthday.

Two years ago today you were born.
I wonder what you would be like if you were still with us. 
If your hair would be straight like your dad's or curly like mine.
If your eyes would have been blue or green. 
If your big toe was going to be disproportionately large like your father's.
I see my friend Sarah's daughter Rouen and my niece Aubrey who both have birthdays close to yours and wonder if you would be as chatty and silly as them at this stage. 
When you were still with us I wondered all these same things, thinking only time would tell. 
And now you're gone. 
And I'll never know the answers to my questions until I meet with death and find you again. 
Until then, know that you will never be forgotten or replaced, and that I will always carry you in my heart.

Reflections on the Crisis in the Horn of Africa

Reflections on the Crisis in the Horn of Africa

Fresh Pineapple and Porn.

I have been living in Bangkok now for the past few weeks. It is a different world than living at the Akha Youth Development Center in Chiang Rai surrounded by rice fields.

I am living in a small studio apartment in the middle of the city, surrounded by sky scrapers on all sides, poverty, wealth,  and cultural diversity like few other places in Thailand. In my apartment building there are tenants from Dubai, Burma, Ethiopia, Sudan, United Arab Emirates, Thailand, Vietnam, Laos, India, Europe, and the States. Elevator interactions are always interesting around here with so many cultures colliding in such a small space.

I also live in one of the two biggest areas of the city known for prostitution. Walk out of the door and you are offered porn, fresh pineapple, chicken schwarma, weed, hummus, fried bananas, sex toys, cheap movies, lady shows, gelato...well you are maybe starting to get the idea...a little more colorful around here. 

I think people have been trying to figure out where to place me in this little community. A pregnant, white young girl who is usually seen alone. I wonder sometimes if they assume that I'm a backpacker who got pregnant on her travels and is stranded here. A few curious vendors who sell me fruit have asked me what I'm doing here and after I tell them a bit about myself their strange stares have turned into warm smiles. More smiles too in the last few days after Rusty arrived back and they see us walking around together.

Last week I went to a local non-profit here that provides an aftercare program to girls who have chosen to leave the sex industry. While sitting with the director of the organization and hearing story after story of these women, and girls, my heart was mostly deeply saddened. Next week I will start teaching English in the mornings to the girls and am looking forward to connecting with them more individually.

It is estimated that just in this immediate area around me in Bangkok there are around 7,000 girls working as prostitutes. Customers come from all over the world to enjoy their vacation of pleasure. The stories I heard were the gut wrenching kind. The kind of stories that are impossible to forget. 

One story of a girl at the center started when her father left her family when she was five years old. Having three children to support, her mother started trying to sell small items on the street on a bamboo mat. The money was inconsistent and provided no guarantees that they would have enough to eat on a day to day basis. When a Japanese business man approached the mother and asked how much for her eldest daughter she took up his offer out of desperation to support her family.  Every few days the business man would pull up on the curb in his expensive car and take her daughter (6 years old at the time) into his car and have his way with her for the next few hours before depositing her on the curbside again with a chunk of money. This went on for months. One day out of fear, the little girl jumped out of the car and started running. Thankfully a police man saw this strange interaction her and actually decided to help. The Japanese business man was scolded and fined a whopping $400 dollars. The mother was taken to prison and her children taken from her care.

A few years down the road this girl was back working as a prostitute to support herself and younger siblings before she had someone reach out to her and she learned about an organization that would give her a safe place to live and provide her with food and job training. 

This was her start in life. 

Sex for her wasn't a choice. 

She did it out of selflessness for her family.

I heard heart-breaking story after story. Eighty percent of the girls living at this particular after-care facility were sexually molested as children by family members or sold into prostitution as children to provide for their families.  Many prostitutes here are without citizenship which leaves them in positions to be easily taken advantage of. Many are Akha girls coming to support their younger siblings to study. Many are Burmese, Cambodian, and Thai women from impoverished families. You may say they are choosing to be here, at least the ones who haven't been tricked or trafficked into these jobs. I'm not so sure I would call it a choice anymore. For most of them they don't see it as a choice--but being self-less, and giving up their lives so that their younger siblings and family have enough money to eat, or even a chance at education.

I went to this after-care center on one of the days that Colleen (Rusty's mother) still hadn't woken up from her brain surgery and we were walking around with heavy hearts full of worry. I left thinking about no matter what circumstances come our way and how hard they may be...that at least we live with hope. 

Not a hope that God will always intercede like we want him to and long for him too, but a hope that  there is more to life than everything we see around us here. That no matter how broken, heavy, or difficult things feel, that we have something more waiting for us on the other side. And then I started thinking about what life would be like without a hope like that...and I can't seem to shake that thought.

Quite a Day--again!

written by Ron Polinder

Been feelin blue today--all of us.  What will the future hold?  How much time will we have?  Glioblastoma--just how nasty is that?  Hard questions that we know we must ask.

So when Dr. Foltz came in this afternoon, we asked him.  The pattern continues--every time we talk to this good man, he gives us hope and offers appropriate encouragement.  Given a localized tumor, the expected treatment, and trial, we are not inclined to put numbers or years on Colleen's life.  As one of our favorite "Rehoboth" song claims, "Our life is in His hands."   But he urged us to get on with our lives--for Staci to go back to MI on Monday as planned, and for Rusty to head back to Thailand to join Lynette, and for Ro and Co to plan on the January trip to Bangkok to see a new grandson.  Now, that will lift the spirits!

So too, he urged me to get on with my work.  We know there is a lot of Lynden love to help meet our collective needs and help with Colleen's care..  Almost surely, we are in for three weeks of rehab here, and maybe more.  Dr. Foltz is pleased that he will be able to continue to see her.  

Sooooo--do you sense the balance we are trying to express--gratitude, progress, awakening, along with caution, realism and hope.  Given our circumstances, we will rest there, even tonight.  Bless you for trusting and hoping with us.  "From whence comes our help?  Our help comes form the Lord, maker of heaven and earth."

Ron

Quite a Day!

written by Ron Polinder

Some dandy developments today:

1.  Colleen is out of ICU, earlier than we anticipated.  Dr. Foltz continues to do cartwheels over the progress Colleen is making.  Today he came in with his surgical scrubs, somewhat aqua in color.  Colleen looked him over and said, "You need some turquoise jewelry to go with that."  Dr. Foltz cracked up and said, "I'm not really into that," to which Colleen said, :Well I am, and I can take care of that."  :)

2. She sat in a chair today, though her core muscles are still very weak. The Rehab folks were in this afternoon and there appears to be lots of reasons to stay right here at Swedish for these services, not the least of which is the ongoing oversight of her doctors.  And we know insurance will cover.

3.  Earlier we had reported about the "trial" that Colleen will participate in.  We indicated a 50/50 chance of being selected for the vaccine.  In reality, they will select 2 of 3.  And if symptoms reoccur, they will immediately begin the vaccine.  Again, Colleen is the very first person from the entire Northwest that has qualified for this study--so we think they will continue to give her lots of attention.

4.  I am writing from her room now, but this morning we talked on the phone.  Colleen sounded like Colleen--I could not believe the progress, and her acuity. We are giving thanks that Colleen is coming back to herself, though she still needs quietness and rest.  Physically she has a long ways to go, but there is much optimism about recovery.

We will not be sitting on the back porch at Rosemary Way anytime soon, but we are grateful for all the good people at Swedish that we get to hang out with.  Colleen is in love with the nurses, even trying to match them up with certain relatives. In turn, I am in love with 500+ people on Caring Bridge.

Ron    

Assessing

written by Ron Polinder 

Writing from Lynden tonight--good to check in, see precious grandkids, pay some bills, stock up....

It has been another good day in that Colleen is responsive, coherent, loving and downright funny at times.  The PT/OT team came in and got her on the edge of her bed, though her left-side weakness is frightening. Dr. Foltz, who came in twice today, again reassured us that will come back.

Her left eye opens more easily that her right because of the right-side swelling from the incision.  By the way, prior to the 2nd surgery, they did shave a third of her head.  She kinda looks like a punk rocker. :) Still on feeding tube--maybe tomorrow that will come out.

So the near term looks promising.  But we would be naive if we did not consider what we face longer term.  One day soon, we will need to get the doctor's fuller assessment in that regard. It is not a conversation we are looking forward to.  Yet, we ought not borrow trouble from the future.   

So tonight we will use the words of brother Sherm's favorite song--No never alone, no never alone!  He promised never to leave me, never to leave me alone.  Most of you will remember that song from our youth.  It speaks to the progress, and the prognosis.  Regardless, we are not alone--we belong...........

Ron

the good things.

Seems like life as of late has been full or reminders of how broken this world is that we live in. The most comforting thing is the hope that takes us beyond life in this world, that even sickness and pain and death can't take away our hope of what is to come.  In the middle of all of the mess there is still beauty and things that make me smile. Laughter helps keep me functional in the middle of times like these.

I moved down to Bangkok last week to be near the hospital here. Last night as I was walking home a man tried to hit on me until his eyes moved down to my stomach where they got big when he saw my pregnant belly and he suddenly ended the conversation and shuffled on by. I chuckled to myself the rest of the way home. 

Grateful today for the fresh fruit sold on the street...for the diversity all around me here...for enough money to eat...for friends and family whose love remains just as strong despite long distances...for these little jabs and kicks in my belly throughout the day...for the rain to bring relief to the suffocating humidity...for the kids at AYDC in Chiang Rai who have made my life all the more rich...for community in Chiang Rai, and new relationships here in Bangkok...for the chance to hear Colleen's voice on SKYPE last night...for health today....and a comfortable bed tonight.

Mostly Good

written by Ron Polinder

Wholesome developments today--Colleen's mind seems altogether active and functioning.  Her responses are slow, but right on target. So some really nice exchanges with those of us here--also her childhood and lifetime friend, Diane DeWaard Dykman.  

Colleen overheard me talking on phone re some insurance issues, but when hanging up, she was quick to correct me on some details. She also said she wanted to get home to Rosemary Way--not quite ready for heaven yet, meaning she's got some livin to do.  :)

Dr Foltz visited twice, briefly, and remains very pleased with her improvement.  But she remains very weak--will likely be in ICU another 3 days.  I read her some Caring Bridge which she enjoyed, but later in the day when offering more she said, "Too heavy."  And now tonight she indicated to S and Sh she just wants to rest, can not handle visitors for a couple of days.

Hanging around a hospital for a week, you soon learn what can go wrong--pneumonia, blood clots, infection, and more.  The PT came in today, and gave us instructions on how to keep exercising certain muscles.  Colleen's left side is particularly weak.

So, no shortage of matters to pray about, but always with thanksgiving for the terrific progress we have seen, and for the love we have experienced.

Ron