This is a poem sent to me by a friend of our cousin Cindy. I wept as I got to the end.
WELCOME TO HOLLAND
by
Emily Perl Kingsley.
c1987 by Emily Perl Kingsley. All rights reserved
I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this......
When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.
After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."
"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."
But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.
The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.
So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.
It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.
But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."
And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.
But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.
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10 comments:
What an absolutely beautiful way to describe the new life these parents face. It isn't the normal you expect, but God always provides a new normal.
Thank you for posting that. I needed to hear it, and it expresses the feelings and emotions perfectly. The dreams aren't broken or ruined. They're just changed, maybe even intensified. You guys are still on my heart daily. I am praying, and I am being blessed by the way you are walking through this. Don't forget to enjoy the little moments in spite of the heartache! She's so very precious!
I have one brother, 16 months younger than me. He's autistic.
Holland is a good place.
Praying for you guys here in Wisconsin.
Holland is a good place. I have 2 kids with special needs. I have 2 younger siblings with autism.
I found your story via Becky. I had been having a pity party and now find myself having a prayer party. I will pray for your family and Olive here in Arizona.
Nana Carol needed that
I agree. I have a mentally challenged child. Holland is indeed a very good place.
Laura
i feel guilty saying that holland is good because we didn't quite end up there with daniel. he was a preemie and he had some issues but he's beating the odds and doing well.
one passage that i'm reminded of constantly with daniel's journey is jeremiah 29:4-13 where the israelites are told to just settle and make do with what they have on exile because God knows what plans He has for them. there's something to be said for making the best of what you have and looking for the positives in each day, even if it's hard.
Wow, that's a good piece of writing. The metaphore works so well. Even for me, even though I actually literally live in Holland.
I love this poem . . . I thought of it the other day and thought I need to try to find it for you guys as I used to use it in one of my social work classes. Glad someone sent it on to you. Love you so much.
Lynnette-
THAT IS MY FAVORITE POEM! My daughters physical therapist gave that to me after Ella was born. I still read it and cry! Hope it gives you strength
love, Angie Liskey
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