unexpected laser treatment.

This morning after arriving in the NICU we were asked to sign consent for Olive to undergo round two of laser eye treatment. The opthamologist came two days ago to assess Olive and noticed that while one of her eyes had been treated very effectively in Thailand, the other looked like only half of it had been treated. Since then, the doctor here has been in communication with the doctor who performed her treatment in Bangkok. The ophthalmologist in Bangkok told him that they weren't able to finish treating one eye because the power went out...what????? A small detail he failed to mention to us.

This afternoon she had laser treatment and everything went well. She hasn't woken up all day because of being drowsy from the sedation medication they gave her prior to the treatment.

This evening I went to hold her try a little kangaroo care and while holding her she stopped breathing. Usually she can come out of her apnea spells on her own, but this time she didn't and the nurse had to bag her. I learned later that this had also happened earlier in the evening. I'm not sure what is going on with her. The doctors aren't exactly sure either except that it seems to be caused by neurological problems.

Olive also been having some complications with her shunt. After arriving from Thailand the CT scan showed that she had fluid on top of her brain that most likely occurred when too much fluid was released at once during a previous tapping in Bangkok. The neurosurgeon set her shunt so that she would have increased pressure in her head to help that fluid on top of the brain move back into the ventricles. The fluid has since moved back in the ventricles but now it is leaking out around the shunt all the way to the peritoneum. We have been told this isn't a massive problem, but one that just needs to be monitored.

I'm going to bed tonight feeling pretty worried about her little head. I know she is under the care of excellent medical professionals, but I also realize that there is only so much they can do. Each day it seems we get more of a reality check learning about different problems she has and how this will affect her future. These informative meetings force me out of that safe place of denial I often like to rest in, but if I sit in the reality of it all for too long I get overwhelmingly sad.

I'm feeling so sorry for her little body and how much she has been through. These new episodes of apnea and dropping her heart rate continue to worry me. Wishing there is something I could do to make her life easier.

Lots of people have been reminding me that one day we will look back and understand clearer why things happened this way...I really hope so. I keep telling Jesus that someday He will have a lot of explaining to do to me to help me understand all of this.