Well, last night's appointment wasn't horrible, but it wasn't what we were hoping for either. My cervix is continuing to shorten, but not drastically. Last week it was 2.8cm and last night measured 2.5cm. My doctor wants to wait one more week to give me my first round of the steroid shots (next week Wednesday). This week the baby was head down, and estimated to weigh about 2.6 lbs (1.2 kg).
People have been asking me if I'm doing okay after the picture I posted. The first four days were the hardest, but I feel like it's getting better. Ironically my back and neck are less sore as time passes. I have also gotten into a little more of a routine finding ways to still do my work from the foundation in Chiang Rai and work on my online studies. This helps with my sanity level.
Rusty has been making all my meals, cleaning, and doing the laundry. Though he has been wonderful, I think a little break for him to get out of this cooped up little apartment will really help. On Friday one of my close Akha friends from Chiang Rai named Blah will be coming down to be with me for a week, and swap places with Rusty so that he can will head up north to try and get some of his work done for the foundation.
I've had lots of visitors this last week which helps time pass too. Some good Thai friends of mine, Akha friends, and last night three of Olive's nurses from the government hospital came over for a visit.
After my appointment last night I am ready to remain in bed as long as I need to, to give this little guy the best chance that I can. Olive was born at 28.5 weeks. Normally babies born at 28 weeks tend to do fine in NICUs, but with all that went wrong with Olive, 28 weeks is no longer comforting. I'm trying to focus on the positives (at least I still have some cervix, my water hasn't broken, I'm near a great hospital, I'm not in labor...) and remain hopeful.
Some friends have asked if this is bringing up a lot of grief and emotions thinking about Olive. At this point I'm not really letting myself go there, because I think it will be too much for me to handle right now. The night of my 26 week appointment when my doctor told me that my cervix is changing and that I will most likely deliver another premature baby I panicked and couldn't hold back my tears. I went to the bathroom to try and pull myself together and kept reminding Jesus throughout the evening that I couldn't handle to lose another baby, or watch them suffer with all sorts of complications.
This verse in Matthew, "
Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own," feels pretty practical to me right now. I'm not going to prepare for the worst, but keep hoping for another day to pass to keep this little guy safe and sound inside of me. Whatever happens, I will deal with it when it comes...and I for one am thankful that I can't see into the future.
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