A Window into Our world.

It's been four days since we arrived in Thailand. In many ways I was holding my breath before returning, worrying about how it would feel to resettle in a place holding so many memories of Olive. We spent two days in Bangkok reconnecting with some of our Thai friends there, as well as with the nurses from the government hospital who cared for Olive while she was in Bangkok. We were also able to see our Thai teacher and good friend Janya and her husband Barry before they moved back to Cananda on July 9th.

Last October-December I had been e-mailing a few updates about Olive to the receptionist at our favorite hotel in Bangkok. He speaks great English, and in the past when I asked him where he learned to speak such good english his reply was, "Everything I know I learned from Brittany Spears." : >) He had been coordinating rooms and pick ups from the hospital for my parents, and Rusty's mother and sister when they visited, so he had heard some about Olive. When we arrived to the hotel on Wednesday morning he asked how Olive was doing. When I told him that she had passed away this past January his eyes immediately welled up with tears and his only reply was that he was so sorry to hear this news. His response met more to me than he probably realized.

Going to the government hospital was harder than I had imagined that it would be. So many memories flooding back, but with reality sinking in that Olive was no longer there...it felt like a strange dream. i treid my best to hold back my tears, but when i saw two nurses in particular who deeply loved Olive there was no stopping them from coming and we all cried together. After visiting the hospital we went out for dinner with a group of the nurses we became closest to at the government hospital.

In Chiang Rai we were met at the airport by the staff and some students from the Akha Youth Development Center. We've been overwhelmed by their kindness since returning. Being back feels so familiar and comfortable and right...yet strangely different. It almost feels like this last year has been a dream, but then reminders of Olive bring reality back into view. Her coffin that our friend Gee made for her is still in our house, as well as bag fulls of baby gifts that were sent back with Rusty last year. It's hard to describe the mix of emotions going on inside of me these days, but underling them all there is a deep sense of peace. Besides this a gratefulness for so many in our lives that have loved us so well over this last year.

Being back in Chiang Rai has also been better than I was preparing myself for. Yesterday morning Rusty and I drove around on our motorbike saying hello to different local restaurant owners and market friends. Each one asked us about Olive and responded so sweetly saying things like, "Chan dai yin luuk saow kong kuhn by sawang leew. Jep jai duay na ka" or "I heard your daughter went to heaven. My heart hearts for you."

So thankful to be back.

Below are some pictures of our time with friends and the nurses in Bangkok.