Missing Co

I haven't been very good at updating my blog over this last year, and though I haven't brought her up very often here I am missing Colleen so much these days. It's hard to believe she is really gone. I get a pit in my stomach when the reality sinks in.

I don't think I could have been blessed with a better mother-in-law than Co. This women remembered all the little details and went above and beyond to make sure you knew how much she cared. I could tell her anything about problems in my  relationship with Rusty, and know that she had both of our best interests in mind. Rusty could hear things from his mother that he couldn't hear from me or anyone else because he knew how deep her love was for him and how pure her intentions were. Even if she sided with Rusty over me in an argument she would never get involved...this is a rare mother-in-law trait indeed.

She prayed and prayed for our marriage over the years through some very low times.

She was always quick to listen and slow to speak. Full of love. Way more patient than me, and selfless.

Coming home and visiting her meant spending hours sitting together on the couch and catching up. Though this women was amazing at checking things off lists and getting things done, she placed her relationships before her lists. Any time we visited Ro and Co in New Mexico she would take off work and make sure Rusty and I had good quality time with her. Lots of good meals together, long walks behind Rehoboth, games, and long chats on the couch before bed.

The Polinder family has changed so much already with out her. She was the glue, the stabilizer...the overcommunicater that kept everyone in the loop. She was the best gift giver, and paid attention to the little details throughout the year to make sure you had just the right gift.

She was an amazing nana to her grandkids. Loved each of them so well and made sure each of them knew it. I'm so sad when I think Henry will only know of Colleen through our stories and memories. My only comfort is knowing that she is with Olive now in heaven.

The cookies I made for the kids at the hostel two weeks ago was Co's famous choc chip cookie recipe. I know if she was here visiting she would do the same thing for them, and of course they loved it.

She was an amazing women...and I'm not just saying it. Ask anyone who knew her well and they would echo my words and add to them.

Real grief is not healed by time… If it does anything, it deepens our grief. The longer we live, the more fully we become aware of who she was for us, and the more intimately we experience what her love meant for us. Real deep love, is as you know, unobtrusive, seemingly easy and obvious, and so present that we take it for granted. Therefore, it is often only in retrospect —- or in memory—- that we fully realize its power and depth. Yes, indeed, love often makes itself visible in pain. — Henri Nouwen